Slumdog: A Dedication

Sometimes you have to be grateful for sheer inspiration. This was a very inspired piece. I wasn't sure where my pen would take me as I wrote this. Whether it would be anger, resentment, sadness..etc. But I guess those things aren't in me anymore- rather a sense of peace and calm. And after a couple minutes of work, I'm happy with the results. I'll probably tweak it a bit, but nothing is ever concrete. I'm looking forward to reading this at the next open mic.  ^_^
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Eventually, I’ll stop checking my phone.

Not anticipating your communicating,

But out of habit.

 

You have a bad habit.

You were my bad habit.

 

Acknowledging deceit while you creep.

But I wasn’t your victim.

 

Like a panther at midnight in high branches of trees,

I watched you. Waiting.

All while you tried to make me feel as if I have the issues.

You would get comfortable.

You would doubt my vigilance,

Overestimate your vigor, and seek no repentance.

 

I was placed in front of you,

Not to love you and be your wife.

No, I am your antithesis.

You, snake, slimy, scum.
Remarks snide. Dark soul.
Eyes wide shut.

And I. Head held high.
Never low, insignificant or
Less than worthy of wonderful.
Never holding grudge and never believed your lies.

 

You are super bad, man.

And I am your kryptonite.

 

So tonight the three of us won’t wait for your

Clockworked rehearsal of loveless venom.

No. We sleep in delight.

Knowing you are no shiny knight.
You have no steed.

You only love yourself.
And you have met your match.

 

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

I’m the best woman you ever tried to deceive.
The woman of your dreams.

And your very worst nightmare.

 

I am love for God. Trust before any man.

Deep respect for self.

Because without my love I need no one else.

I am Faith, Hope, Love, Trust.

All foreign languages to you.

 

Entonces, no me digas que me ames.

No sabes que es el amor, ni tienes una corazon.

Eres la oscuridad.

Y yo. Yo soy el Sol.

What it means when she walks away...

I haven't thought of a really clever title, feel free to make suggestions in the comments. This is honest, cerebral, a little funny, and definitely a hopeful (as opposed to hopeless) romantic's view on leaving a situation alone. It all came out at once so I may edit the content and/or format down the line...
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See I call you out on your bull, secretly hoping that you'll prove me wrong.
Hoping that you'll step up before this fine brother comes along.
He'll be 3 inches taller, and did I mention fine?
As he passes by he'll simply rhyme "Queen, keep me in mind."
Afterwards he'd meet me in my illustrious, dark, illuminating fantasy.
He would show me what it felt like to be held by a man.

So if you don't step up,
Well damn.
I guess I've already made other plans.

But still I sit here hoping you'll knock on my door.
That you'll surprise me.
Knowing that you won't.
I say good bye, hoping you'll stop me.
But you don't.

Show me how much this means to you, that's why I walk away.
Now, this might tempt you to say, "Then why don't you just stay?"
The thing is, Big Mama always told me,
"Baby, you got to let the sleeping dog lay."

Technological Activism?

The Department of Defense used the Internet in the late 60's/early 70's to protect the country. Other uses in 1989 were for business and made many tasks more convenient (i.e. calculations, data tracking..etc). And now in 2010 we have Facebook to stay in touch and make meaningful connections that would otherwise not be possible, right? I'm not so sure.

The fact is technology serves as an exciting new tool for WOW gamers and number crunchers alike. However, there are societal constructs that are being replaced by impersonal contact via social networks and the like. Is this cure for long distance becoming an incurable disease in itself?
And where do our interpersonal communication skills go if we never talk to people? Yeah, they suck. You can see that through "Customer Service" Departments.

The most recent event that got my blood heated is the Facebook cartoon child abuse awareness movement. On the one hand you could say "It's better than doing nothing. And it promotes awareness." But does it really? There has been way more conversation on Rugrats and Sponge Bob than on the beatings, murders, and rapes happening in our own neighborhoods. So what does it do if it doesn't help any real cause (i.e. no one is collecting donations, no one is promoting volunteer service...etc).

Here's what it does. It makes us complacent. It makes you feel like "Ahh, I'm such a good person." Yeah, not so much. The idea of using technology as a tool to promote awareness is fine, but it does NOT replace actually getting off your butt or your wallet to do something. To be active. To make a real difference. But who am I to say?

This complacency and lack of initiative is a symptom of a bigger issue, the deconstruction of our social infrastructure. Our common spaces to voice our opinion, come together, and fight for a cause are dwindling. When is the last time we attended a Town Hall? Many people have never been to one. What will happen when we lose these connections entirely? Will our passion for social activism be replaced with status updates and profile pic changes?

SN: If you haven't seen WALL-E, you should. It speaks to this subject exactly. That's where we're headed!

On thinking about it, I have noticed disturbing changes in myself lately. I have a terrible habit of not calling people that I care about. I am quicker to text a friend who I miss dearly than pick up a phone (many are out of state). There's always been the excuse of school. But now that I've graduated and don't plan to go back until Fall 2012, there really isn't an excuse. There wasn't ever really an excuse for not keeping up with family and friends. Life is too short to lose communication. Chatting and texting could never replace hearing my friend's laugh or a good game of Egyptian Rat Screw (my favorite card game).

In order to rehabilitate myself (or habilitate myself since this has defined my entire adult life) I have devised a plan to host bi-weekly or monthly get together in an effort to revive the social connections in my life. Maybe I'll call them Personal Interaction Over Facebook (PIOFs). Or Social Revivals. Umm, yeah, I'll work on that. But the idea is to host get togethers with folks and share valuable input on current events and life changes..etc in order to revive the social connections that we're losing. Have a pot-luck, get some games out, laugh and talk into the night. The good 'ol days.

Is technology deconstructing your social connections? Are you comfortable with it?
========================================================================
---Hey sup.
-Nothin. U?
---Chillin'.
-Koo.
---lol. K. ttyl.
-cya. :)

Our text conversations are so meaningful.

Single vs. Married, a battle against ourselves

"I KNOW that she only has a problem with me because I'm married."

"Well, most times, single women DO have issues."

"Is it wrong to want to take a minute to improve myself before I get in a relationship?"

I found myself playing devil's advocate in a conversation on women and envy the other day. The funny thing is there were two advocates defending married women, one man agreeing that women can't get over stuff "They're like velcro" he said, and four other women pretty much silent (three were single). Basically, the argument was that single women (or a lot of them) have a problem with married women.

"Like I don't know what you go through. Maybe some days I wish I WAS by myself, you don't know." One woman explained how a lot of single people make an assumption about married people (women in particular).

After listening to these women (old enough to be my grandmothers) I decided to jump in. My argument is this:

For many women (I don't know about guys) we are judged by our marital status. Identified and validated by whether or not we have a man. Forget whether or not the man's good, he just has to be there -sometimes. It's so bad it's to the point where after having a bad experience and a woman chooses to sit out and take the time to reflect, learn from her mistakes, and try to become a better person, to love herself, she gets funny looks. The response? "Well, usually there IS something wrong with her."

The only thing that's wrong when a person chooses to first love themselves, know themselves, and become a better person is the backward comments he/she receives. "Oh you just full of yourself." "You're so egotistical." When did it become crazy to try and be a better person? And WHAT is wrong with this society when that's looked down upon?

Okay, I'm no fan of 'The Cat Lady' either. But anyone who steps back form romance to deeply reflect, love themselves, and love God is a freakin genius in my book. I really wish there were public forums on this topic. People get so heated defending their chosen lifestyles.

When you don't love yourself, that's a problem. If you can't love yourself and be with someone, by all means, chill out and ride solo. This makes me think of those people who end up getting married, who are not mature enough to handle business in their daily lives, then end up having screwed up kids. THEN people complain about their kids! Excuse me, but they came from somewhere.

Maybe we just need to look at our spiritual reflections a little more, and worry about having a warm body a little less.