Slumdog: A Dedication

Sometimes you have to be grateful for sheer inspiration. This was a very inspired piece. I wasn't sure where my pen would take me as I wrote this. Whether it would be anger, resentment, sadness..etc. But I guess those things aren't in me anymore- rather a sense of peace and calm. And after a couple minutes of work, I'm happy with the results. I'll probably tweak it a bit, but nothing is ever concrete. I'm looking forward to reading this at the next open mic.  ^_^
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Eventually, I’ll stop checking my phone.

Not anticipating your communicating,

But out of habit.

 

You have a bad habit.

You were my bad habit.

 

Acknowledging deceit while you creep.

But I wasn’t your victim.

 

Like a panther at midnight in high branches of trees,

I watched you. Waiting.

All while you tried to make me feel as if I have the issues.

You would get comfortable.

You would doubt my vigilance,

Overestimate your vigor, and seek no repentance.

 

I was placed in front of you,

Not to love you and be your wife.

No, I am your antithesis.

You, snake, slimy, scum.
Remarks snide. Dark soul.
Eyes wide shut.

And I. Head held high.
Never low, insignificant or
Less than worthy of wonderful.
Never holding grudge and never believed your lies.

 

You are super bad, man.

And I am your kryptonite.

 

So tonight the three of us won’t wait for your

Clockworked rehearsal of loveless venom.

No. We sleep in delight.

Knowing you are no shiny knight.
You have no steed.

You only love yourself.
And you have met your match.

 

Allow me to reintroduce myself.

I’m the best woman you ever tried to deceive.
The woman of your dreams.

And your very worst nightmare.

 

I am love for God. Trust before any man.

Deep respect for self.

Because without my love I need no one else.

I am Faith, Hope, Love, Trust.

All foreign languages to you.

 

Entonces, no me digas que me ames.

No sabes que es el amor, ni tienes una corazon.

Eres la oscuridad.

Y yo. Yo soy el Sol.

If you don't love yourself...

I wanted to ease my way in, but hell, why lie? Life's tough.

"I just need somebody. I feel like crap."
"I feel so alone."
"I'm sick of these dogs. Why can't I just find a good man?"
"If only I could find that perfect someone...life would be great."

To these comments I say, bull! Stop lying to yourself! Someone else is NOT going to make things better. The simple fact is...you ready?....only YOU can make YOUR life better. So you've been hurt. So you've had some hard times..etc. That's OK. It doesn't mean you are tarnished. "Bad" experiences are opportunities to discover something about yourself.

Maybe you've been taken advantage of because you really ARE too caring. So much so, that when you enter into a relationship (platonic or romantic) you put the other person first. Big mistake. Being selfish is not what I am advocating, I'm advocating for you. There comes a time when you have to look in the mirror, take off your rose-colored shades, and say "Hey, I'm a little messed up. How can I become a better person? How can I truly be happy?"

Here is what I propose.
1) Stop LYING to yourself! No, sorry, you cannot blame someone 100% for treating you like crap for five years (or however long). The simple fact is, honestly speaking, you LET them mistreat you for that amount of time. Because after the first time he says "Bitch, get me some coffee" or the first time she steals your credit card to buy something for her other lover, you reaaallyyy should have been picking up on the clues, not making excuses for him/her.

2) Start LOVING yourself. The fact is, God made all of us unique and wonderful, and fabulous, and FULL of awesome things to offer the world. If you're sensitive then you can hone in on how someone else is feeling. That's great. You know how to read when your boss is pissed and when you should stay away. But you could also be taking criticism to heart instead of accepting flaws or realizing that some people just like putting others down. Start viewing the positive side of all of your gifts, even the shortcomings are valuable in some way.

3) Let's face it, I don't have a degree in this stuff. I just know from my short time on this earth that I've seen some repetition in living a lie and covering up shortcomings and denial with romantic fallacies and excuses. I know for sure that those first two steps are a sure fire way to get started on a good foot instead of ending up getting your toes stepped on.

Long story short, nobody seems to want to be alone. That's cool. We aren't meant to live in solitude or in a silo even. We have these unique gifts to share with others and learn about others. But it's a problem when people become masochistic/sadistic and twist things into something they were never intended to be (i.e. marriage is a partnership, NOT a prison-esque union. And having a significant other is an aspect OF your life, it doesn't DEFINE who you are).

Don't get me wrong, I'm a work in progress and can only speak after having seen mistakes, made mistakes, and going through a long, grueling, and reiterative process of self improvement.

Whew! I can breathe now. Thanks for that.