I wanted to ease my way in, but hell, why lie? Life's tough.
"I just need somebody. I feel like crap."
"I feel so alone."
"I'm sick of these dogs. Why can't I just find a good man?"
"If only I could find that perfect someone...life would be great."
To these comments I say, bull! Stop lying to yourself! Someone else is NOT going to make things better. The simple fact is...you ready?....only YOU can make YOUR life better. So you've been hurt. So you've had some hard times..etc. That's OK. It doesn't mean you are tarnished. "Bad" experiences are opportunities to discover something about yourself.
Maybe you've been taken advantage of because you really ARE too caring. So much so, that when you enter into a relationship (platonic or romantic) you put the other person first. Big mistake. Being selfish is not what I am advocating, I'm advocating for you. There comes a time when you have to look in the mirror, take off your rose-colored shades, and say "Hey, I'm a little messed up. How can I become a better person? How can I truly be happy?"
Here is what I propose.
1) Stop LYING to yourself! No, sorry, you cannot blame someone 100% for treating you like crap for five years (or however long). The simple fact is, honestly speaking, you LET them mistreat you for that amount of time. Because after the first time he says "Bitch, get me some coffee" or the first time she steals your credit card to buy something for her other lover, you reaaallyyy should have been picking up on the clues, not making excuses for him/her.
2) Start LOVING yourself. The fact is, God made all of us unique and wonderful, and fabulous, and FULL of awesome things to offer the world. If you're sensitive then you can hone in on how someone else is feeling. That's great. You know how to read when your boss is pissed and when you should stay away. But you could also be taking criticism to heart instead of accepting flaws or realizing that some people just like putting others down. Start viewing the positive side of all of your gifts, even the shortcomings are valuable in some way.
3) Let's face it, I don't have a degree in this stuff. I just know from my short time on this earth that I've seen some repetition in living a lie and covering up shortcomings and denial with romantic fallacies and excuses. I know for sure that those first two steps are a sure fire way to get started on a good foot instead of ending up getting your toes stepped on.
Long story short, nobody seems to want to be alone. That's cool. We aren't meant to live in solitude or in a silo even. We have these unique gifts to share with others and learn about others. But it's a problem when people become masochistic/sadistic and twist things into something they were never intended to be (i.e. marriage is a partnership, NOT a prison-esque union. And having a significant other is an aspect OF your life, it doesn't DEFINE who you are).
Don't get me wrong, I'm a work in progress and can only speak after having seen mistakes, made mistakes, and going through a long, grueling, and reiterative process of self improvement.
Whew! I can breathe now. Thanks for that.
No comments:
Post a Comment